| Written by Jennifer Milne, MS, LPC, NCC
Do you frequently take others behavior personally? Spend your time overthinking and trying to control others behavior? Find yourself accommodating others in order to be liked? Are you a people pleaser or co dependent? Mentally exhausted and open to trying something new? Then “let me” explain the Let Them Theory.
If you are not familiar, The Let Them Theory was introduced by motivational speaker and author Mel Robbins in 2023. She popularized the concept through a viral video, which she later expanded upon in her 2024 book, The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About.
The theory utilizes the following formula: Let Them + Let Me.
Step 1: Let Them
This step requires the following:
Stop managing
Stop fixing
Stop chasing
Stop convincing
Simply, stop attempting to control others and allow them to behave how they want. People only do what they feel like doing. Our attempts to control them will not lead to change or move them to behave differently unless they chose to do so.
Step 2: Let Me
This step requires the following:
Focus on your own choices and behaviors
Focus on your own alignment
Focus on your own self worth
Simply, focus on how you respond. The only thing within our control is ourselves. We can control how we respond, react and chose to show up for others. By focusing on ourselves, we have the ability to reclaim our boundaries and inner peace.
For example:
You are trying to build a new friendship, but they frequently leave you on read, cancel plans last minute, or do not otherwise initiate contact. Instead of try harder or wonder what you did wrong, let them show you who they are by their behavior as opposed to trying to change the situation. By doing so (let me) you make space for genuine connections and put energy into people who show up.
By allowing others to be themselves and focusing on what is within our control, we give ourselves the respect, kindness and self-love that we need. This in turn creates opportunities for better connections, emotional clarity and improved confidence. And like any change, it takes time, practice and self-reflection in order for it to become a habit. Be persistent!
Jennifer is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and National Certified Counselor (NCC) with nearly 20 years of experience in the mental health field. Throughout her career, she has provided support to children, adults, and families, across a variety of settings, including in-home, outpatient, school-based environments, and higher acuity programs such as Partial Hospitalization (PHP) and Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP).
EWC has locations in Manalapan and Shrewsbury, NJ, and accepts a variety of insurance plans. Ready to start your journey toward healing? Contact us today to schedule an appointment!
NEXT STEPS & RESOURCES
- Are you ready to take your first step? Reach out to us.
- Do you feel you may benefit from counseling during this time? Take the first step.
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